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    Drop Down Menus Html by Vista-ButtAn inside look at some actual exchanges between airline pilots and control towers from around the world:

    The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a 360 that is, do a complete circle to provide spacing behind the aircraft ahead of it.. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Don't you know it costs us $2,000 to make even a 180 (half turn) in this airplane?"

    Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me $4,000 worth."

    A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high.

    San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport."

    A Piper Malibu was being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at Kansas City.

    Approach: "Malibu three-two Charlie, you're following a 727, one o'clock and three miles."

    Malibu: "We've got him. We'll follow him."

    Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu, eleven o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"

    Delta (in a thick southern drawl, after a long pause): "Well...I've got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's a Malibu or a Chevelle."

     

     

     

    The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered lot. They not only expect pilots to know gate parking locations, but how to get there without any assistance from them.

    The following exchange took place between Frankfurt ground control and a Boeing 747":

    Boeing: "Top of the morning, Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active runway."

    Ground: "Guten Morgen. You vill taxi to your gate."

    The big Boeing 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

    Ground: " Boeing 206, do you not know where you are going?"

    Boeing 206: "Stand by a moment, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

    Ground (with arrogant impatience): " Boeing 206, haff you never flown to Frankfur before?"

    Boeing 206 (coolly): Yes, I have, actually, in 1944, in another type of Boeing, but just to drop something off. I didn't stop."

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    For safety reasons, all airline pilots, regardless of nationality, are required to speak English so that all pilots can have a sense of the air traffic around them. Here is an exchange that took place at Munich airport.

    Lufthansa (in German): Ground, what is our start clearance time?"

    Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."

    Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany. Why must I speak English?"

    Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the bloody war!"

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    The crew of a US Air flight made a wrong turn while taxiing and came nose to nose with a United 727.

    The irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference between C's and D's, but get it right!" Continuing her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:

    "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"

    "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded. Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at at the airprt was running high.

    Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!"

    Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

    Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

     

     

     

     

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